In 2015, although I achieved things I never thought would happen to me and tried out amazing things I never thought I could, still at the end of each night I slept with reality, I was empty.
I came to the point when I wasn’t happy anymore — not because I’m not happy with what I do but because of the way I do what I do. I felt that I didn’t exert my best effort in every class subject I had, in every freelance project I had, in every opportunity that came. I felt that I focused on lesser and ignored the better things. I focused on making more things, than making better things. Honestly, it didn’t work that way.
At the end, I went through burnout. When I was at class, I tend to think about non-academic things a lot. When I enjoyed designing websites, I was always thinking about what could be done. When I got tired and hated everything I do, all I could think about was how much I hated my life and how nothing was ever going to change. Everything I saw was vague and I was paralyzed for months. It happened everyday up until early months of this year 2016. But the burnout I was experiencing had spiraled out of control. I thought that it was time to make some drastic changes to regain myself back and to be better than I was.
The process of changing was difficult, tiring, scary but I knew I couldn’t keep on like what I was anymore. I knew what I had missed so I started by plugging myself in those things while unplugging myself from those that were harming me. I plugged myself to fitness, family and faith.
Being unhealthy, distancing myself from my family, disconnecting myself from God were all factors that made me lost myself. So these are also the factors that I started working on for I knew if I fixed these, I fixed my life.
I started working out and following a healthy diet plan to lose the extra weight I gained from the months of not taking care of myself. Since I came back in Saudi, I started bonding more with my family, by showing how I love them, by being obedient and by cooking healthy meals for them. I started befriending the Qur’an, reading Islamic books and staying away from the things that I knew would anger my Creator. These were simple yet great ways to plug myself into those things I lost.
Aside from these, I also gave myself a break by disconnecting from too much stress factors and by having a day off not doing anything stressful and not worrying on either academic or work. Instead of aiming to accomplish a lot of things at the same time, I focus on doing less but with best effort. I learnt to prioritize quality result.
So far I’m seeing that things are getting back into place. Recovering from the paralysis caused by burnout took time but each day I spent in changing myself wasn’t a waste. My progress might be slow for some but at least I’m constantly changing for better.